You know how lazy depression makes you? To deprive you of all the buzz in your life. Everything looks and feels sordid. You make plans and try your very best to break them. If your friends insist on doing stuff with you, you find a myriad of ways to get out of them. Excuses are splurted by the hundreds and trust me -- each and every one of them feels as if it came from the bottom of your heart and you meant it as if your life depended on it.
The funniest thing however is that the therapy that you are prescribed to cure it also takes most of the zing out of your life too. It makes you feel lazy and tired. It makes you feel sleepier than ever, and you would end up wanting to spend every solitary moment you have on your bed or couch dozing away. Every day still feels like a chore -- funny that work doesn't -- but everything else still feels like a chore and you have to fight your way out to find some energy and motivation to achieve goals.
This makes me wonder -- is the therapy effective enough? Or is it simply something that just takes away the edge from your depression -- makes you feels less anhedonic, less suicidal, and overall blunts all your negativity. But it does the same to your positive energy -- at least, if you were to go by my experience. The ironic thing is that I feel shy to approach R who started the present course on me. Depression itself and the side effects of therapy had widened the already created divide and I don't feel like talking to her any more. I don't feel likie I can afford another shrink either.
I don't fucking know what I should do.