It's hard to even think that, just a few measly weeks back, I would have scornfully laughed at the post that I've just started writing. That's how life changes - so fast, so furiously - to grab your balls at the most unpredictable junctures, sometimes so tenderly, and sometimes so painfully. To my unbelievable good fortune, my life's balls have been licked, swallowed, and sucked tenderly almost all throughout out by my post-depression coming out phase.
I have almost forgotten how I was those few weeks back, when I would break my head in despair as to why I should not enjoy life as it blooms in front of me. This is despite my eternally optimistic and romantic tendencies, which make me forgive even the cruelest of people who have hurt me in the most grueling ways. The mantra is simple -seize the moment, live the present.
How can you be oblivious of such a simple, seemingly obvious principle? Well, by missing out on the treasures that life offers during phases of meekness, stupidity, and of course, depression. I
guess if you have ever gone through a phase when you realize that you did not get to meet the love of your life just because you did not search an online personals site three years earlier (than when you eventually meet him [or her for that matter]). This hits you hard when you also realize that during this period of extra time, you could have perfectly figured out a life that you have always dreamed about. Once such things are experienced once, you should ideally not repeat your mistake.
Similar stuff - you don't meet a potential spouse who has been living in the same city, who you would find perfect, who would find you perfect, just because either of you decided to not hang out in social situations through this period. When you meet him (or for that matter, her), you spend your entire time wondering why, why, why didn't we run into each other before? What could have happened had we done that? Whatall did we miss? Would you get it all back through another person, in another version of your desired present?
It's ironic that I can compare - it's also weird that I choose to compare - this particularly serious life situation to something as trivial as a common cold. When you are fit and fine, do you ever miss how your nose feels unblocked, how your throat and larynx are so well lubricated as to make swallowing, talking, singing so easy, how your mouth tastes nothing but the materials you want to eat, and how your body feels great without aches and pains? You don't. Not until you
have the dreaded coryzal attack.
I hope I will choose to read this post when I am acting stupidly and not enjoying and engaging life!