Dating troubles *updated

I have been gearing up to post about relationships for a while. But I needed something juicy to write about. At the same time, I didn’t want to be mean or intrusive to anyone else’s life. Then, I had a talk to one of my friends. He is going to the worst time of his life in his dating life. I honestly wanted to help him and to cheer him up.

I asked if I could blog about it and get some advice from the most brilliant minds (of course, I’m kidding) on the blogosphere. Surprisingly, he said yes. He in fact wanted his name and his blog to be mentioned so that those people who felt sympathetic towards him could mush about in his own blog. But that aside, I suspect that he’s conjuring up devious thoughts and intends to translate the traffic that he would get to become a micro-celebrity like how everyone else (losers like me) is becoming these days. Confused? Check this space tomorrow.

Back to him - Let’s get the facts on the table here. He is a 32 31 year old, sweet looking guy with a trim, but not lithe, body. He’s got a gorgeous smile, wicked sense of humor and a plethora of pop-knowledge to charm anyone in a conversation; someone who would steal the show in a dinner-table conversation. He’s intelligent, educated (ex-Harvard Virginia), successful (believe me honey, all of you must have seen his ideas in the media) and rich (as compared to other losers, again like me). He’s a confident, out of the closet, a celebrity blogger and has readership from at lest 78 countries spread across the globe. All the women who have just woken up the realization of the warm sensation of wetness in their panties, can go to the rest room and change into a fresh one. Sorry gals, this one’s queer.

Amazing resume, is it not? Who wouldn’t want to date this guy? Let me see, women who are into women (Why am I into lesbian bashing these days?) and losers like me who aren’t exactly into young bubbly buns. Even those who have come back to join us after their panties-change, would realize that they can harbor this vulgar desire despite a null chance to consummate their relationship.

So, this Mr. Perfect is finding it hard to find his prey in the dating pool in Mumbai. The people he is attracted to get more attracted to someone else. There is this amazing repetitiveness to this fact. The people who hit on him are generally the kind who belong to the broad category called ‘dumb morons’. Hence, there is no luck on that front as well. Believe me, he has done a lot of real-life hitting on (ie. At parties, treks and picnics) and nothing has led to anything yet. It’s ironic to note that when he came from Bangalore to Mumbai, it was mainly because he thought that Bangalore was such a lousy fuck in general. Mumbai seemed greener and it actually is. Hard luck for him as is evident in his last post on his blog.

So, what do y’all suggest? I suggested online personals and dating near strangers until he stumbled on the one that he’s going to be with for the rest of his life. I know I’m projecting my experience to everyone else’s (hopefully). But I thought it is worth a cheap-shot at least. He is so desperate that he’s planning to move back to Boston by the end of this year if he’s not getting lucky here.

Please pour in with your suggestions, tips and advice to Oprah, Oprah Winfrey show, California Chicago, USA. Also copy it on to the comments section and his blog here.

****UPDATED on Aug 26 at 11.00 pm due to popular request****

Our Mr. Perfect is Vikster (Vikram) and you can get in touch with him through his blog or his e-mail. I have corrected a few errors on the post as well.

40 comments:

netfandu said...

suparv blog .this is really a nice blog and keep it up
visit my blog
www.netfandu.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Well if he’s all that you just mentioned (resume), y cant he hook up himself?? Y shud u play cupid?? His seemingly infectious, charismatic persona shud automatically win him all the fame n adulation right??

And did u just sneak into the Yash Raj office?? It sounds like one of Aditya Chopra’s many scripts…very DDLJsque

Prash said...

Hey mister loser like me,

brilliant minds (of course, I’m kidding)

Hello...!!! swats, help me here !

Sorry gals, this one’s queer

I never thought the other way, I am sure the girls didn't either !

Let me see, women who are into women (Why am I into lesbian bashing these days?)

Ya, totally...!!! you lesbophobe!

So, what do y’all suggest?

Don't search!!! When you search, you have expectations (even if you don't realize it) and expectations will only lead to deceptions ! Most of the long-lasting couples I saw they told me that they their love just came along...and when they searched it didn't work out !

Kris Bass said...

@ net: Thanx. I'll visit your blog from my comp.

@ Swats: He's trying. But not getting lucky. And I didn't steal it. I'm writing for them.

@ Prash: Gimme a break! Let me indulg in some sarcasm. Rambws has re-instilled that. And you are spot on about not looking.

mystiquedew said...

Krisssssss...

I have a devious idea myself...wat say I introduce him to coupla my friends?????????

*gleaming* I love the idea o' match makin and the eternal gratitude that goes along with it :)

Vikster said...

He would appreciate all the help he can get...

Seriously folks, it's a dating wasteland out there!

Kris Bass said...

@ mystique: Sounds good to me. I'll give the e-mail tonite.

Kris Bass said...

@ mystique: Sounds good to me. I'll give the e-mail tonite.

Kris Bass said...

The guy who's Mr. Perfect, is Vikster! Guys, go contact him!

Vikster said...

PS Oprah's outta Chicago..just had to correct you there...and I'm not ex-Harvard! I just rented my flat from the Uni..I'm happily Univ of Virginia material :-)

Anonymous said...

u writing for them as in?? u scripting a film?? Do u know Monika frm YRF??

and whatever u meant Prash ;-)

flygye12 said...

sometimes u amaze me swati ! u wanna play jen aniston in the indian version of friends i'm writing? e

Kris Bass said...

@ Vikster: I stand corrected.

@ Swats: I'm just kidding. Give me a break. I don't know anyone.

@ Fly: What's this comment about?

Anonymous said...

I saw Vikram on We The People, twice I think.

Yes, it's unfortunate that he's not managing to bag anyone... and he's getting on a bit in age, so I hope me succeeds soon ;)

Only kidding! Hang in there, Vikram. I feel for you, quite because I empathise, more than sympathise.
I'm sure Mr. Charming will come forth, soon. If not, there's always Boston, eh?

The Line of Beauty said...

well, I am not it Bombay..and I know only Kris :(

but what the heck, being single is much better than being tethered to a dumb moron.

On, second thought, is it just a 'dating' problem or he is not getting 'it' any? (* asks in the ever so nonchalant Samantha Jones Voice*)

Kris Bass said...

I think there is a little confusion here. I (on behalf of Vikram) suggested that you may advice him, not just pimp him!

@ Unsungpsalm: Don't be mean on yourself.

@ TLOB: Your advice is good. But Vikram doesn't believe in it.

Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said...

First the "Vikster" has to tell us whether he's a Bandra gay boy or a South Bombay Gay boy. :P ...

And Krissy, if you're setting up people,

*RAISES BOTH HANDS TO ATTRACT KRIS'S ATTENTION*

Please find a cute, hunky chubby chaser for moi? Pretty please?

I'll even fake-praise your beard. :P

There should be a make-a-wish foundation for these things.

pepe M. said...

i love vick's blog...im one of his avid fan...and yeah, he had the chance meeting my bf in one of those ADS meetings...my bf said he's such a sweet guy with an amzing sense of humor...

sigh, i think he got everything to the point that prospects are chickening out!

good luck vicky! :)

Kris Bass said...

@rambws: He's a Bandra gay boi. And about you rambws, who am I kidding. Even I would like to get laid with you! I mean, if you check out my WHILTHS list!

@ Pepe: We all know how interesting a person Vick is. We need to sort it for him!

Anonymous said...

@Pepe- completely agree - he is so perfect that people chicken out on him and ive told him this myself

Vik, guess you have act more like an ass to get people

Tazeen said...

hahaha

so you have started matching people up, cool. Or is this service exclusive to gay men of mumbai only?

Kris Bass said...

@ Tazeen: I really haven't thought about it much. But now that I've realized my full potential, I can make some money in this field I guess. Send me yours. I have an interesting gay guy in Karachi who'll love to get into someone's pants.

Vikster said...

"Trim but not lithe" is cracking me up.

kaleidoscope said...

Kris, this is a super adorable post. HA! I mean look at the number of people commenting out of concern! And to top it all, Vik himself filling in to make it all super attractive.

Great going Kris and Vik! Well I don't live in Bombay. Do I still stand a chance? Should I be CC'ing this to Vik too. HA!

On a serious note, hang in there Vik. Some (re)search just takes time. I should be knowing it.

Kris Bass said...

@ Vik: Finally, my wordplay gets recognition!

@ Kush: Thanks dude! You can CC or BCC or even spam Vik. And 'you should be knowing it'? What kind of a typo is that, huh?

kaleidoscope said...

"I should be knowing it"

Well as a researcher I very well know all about (re)search pangs - the ups and downs, patience and the time.

Got it! HA!

Kris Bass said...

@ Kush: I stand, hanging head low in shame, corrected!

Anonymous said...

'gorgeous smile' sooo true. that's exactly the way i describe him. i wonder why he cant find ne one. no ones gud enough for him i bet....DelH BOi

Reema said...

Went over to Vikram's blog. He is cute. But sadly I'm a girl. I guess the gay dating scene is as tough as the not gay dating scene.

P.S. Am I the only girl commenting here?

Kris Bass said...

@ DelhiBOI: Why don't you submit yourself?

@ Reema: Hardly, apart from all the gays there are real women with vaginas and stuff lurking around!

Anonymous said...

am half viks age .. neways i was taken a long time back..we're expected to ave kids soon.lol!!

Vikster said...

How can you be taken at 15 and a half!! Is that even legal?

Kris Bass said...

@ Anonymous: Yeah, how can that be? Does half mean something else somewhere? I should have said I'm happy for you, but I'm not sure.

Hey are you that adolescent in the controversial series in some tv channel about child marriage?

LOLz

Anonymous said...

SHUT UP you two bumble bees. am gonna be an official adult this fall so chill. and about legality.honey you thirty somethings arent even legal to be together for your info.lolzz. and @ kriss in no way am i even close to half in that somewhere else place. am pretty good for your info.

Kris Bass said...

@ Anonymous: [swallows each and every word he can think of, wipes the sweat of his brow and speaks]

... sorry!

Anonymous said...

fyi this anonymous is DelH Boi

Anonymous said...

wats the sorry for???

Kris Bass said...

@ DelH Boi: For not informing the authorities my dear! What else?

Anonymous said...

now your being mean..sorry if i sounded mean. really didnt mean to...DelH BOi

Kris Bass said...

@ DelH Boi: I was kidding!

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