Today morning, something bad happened which preceded something good.
After a sleepless night at the emergency, I was so dazed and out of sorts. One of my seniors who has a lot of faith in me and my abilities noticed this. He sort of started making fun of me. And while conversing with him I did something even more gross. This totally pissed him off and he gave me a firing.
I was so disppointed. With myself and the system where I was working in. A little later, I had some one on time with this senior when he asked me straight on my face
'Kris, don't you enjoy doing surgeries?'
I poured out to him about my problem. He was almost shocked to find out that I was not enjoying what I was doing. But then he was supportive. He asked me to try and add vigour and try and enjoy whatever work that I was doing in the hospital.
But the one thing I wanted to make him understand, which I also want to clearly state on this is that I do enjoy my work. But it needs to be in a system that is not as devious as it is. And I enjoy music much better.
I told him all that. Now he wants me to try harder to get the 'thing' for surgeries. But I know that it is going to be difficult. Very difficult. Almost like faking.
I felt very relieved after opening out.