There are times when I really think I need to look at myself in the mirror. Not at the physical mirror; metaphorically instead. The self appreciation in front of the physical mirror is practiced regularly by me. I guess I look myself at the physical mirror much more than any normal man would do. But much less than any true gay man would. Anyway, back to the metaphorical mirror.
One reason is that I still don’t understand the priorities of my life. Which one of these do I value most? I’ll list them in the order what I think should be my order of preference.
- Profession
- Music
- Sex
- Other hobbies
- Helping others
I feel that I need to excel in my professional field not because I want to help cure the sufferers, but because I need to praised, credited for or appreciated for the service that I do. Not just be my peers, but by the other staff who work with me and also by patients and relatives. Of course, considering that I live in India, I need to support myself to entertain my other priorities.
Then comes the million dollar question – Had I enough and more money to support myself right now, would I choose medicine or music as a career. NOW is important. I think I might choose music because I think that gives me more creative options. I sincerely think that I’m more blessed in music that doctorship.
Then comes sex. Lately I’ve realized that even though I want music and profession higher than sex on my list, I might just love sex more than either. That is a rude shock kind of thing to me. Take a look at what I do in real life. I want to be appreciated MOSTLY by men who are sexually appealing to me. Therefore, sex might just be the thing on top.
Considering the fact that I go to great length trying to help everyone and sacrifice profession, music and sex as a result, shouldn’t that be on the top? The reason is still the same – I need to be appreciated.
I currently am considering developing photography, web designing, reading and sports are other hobbies when I’m not getting time for developing my favorite hobby.
Finally, when you look back at the list again, I think it is actually like this.
- Helping others
- Sex
- Music
- Profession
- Other hobbies
This looks fucked. How am I ever going to be successful in life?
3 comments:
Define "success" first, sweety. also, do you ever wonder sometimes whether there can be such as thing as being over-sexed? i used to think like you--that sex has to be on my list of priorities. not any more.
Success for me must be about feeling contended with what I achieve in life. For that I have to have my priorities right.
I didn't understand your point about sex and priority lists. Did you mean that sex is not in there in your list?
I suppose it's that our priorities and definition of success change over time.
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